My day at the Division of Motor Vehicles

The timing was short and the trip was long my friends.....

I had to visit the dreaded DMV for my 5 year renewal service trip. I say service, due to the fact they certified I could read the top line of the "Vision" chart, and they made sure I could detect blinking lights in my peripheral vision.

In Virginia, they have closed several of the DMV offices in order to save taxpayers for the convenience of many local small offices and consolidated into a couple of large, 25 booth teller, roll in, roll out, service centers with a Drive-Thru. That would be great if you could roll in and roll out for a license renewal, but that would be too easy for terrorists I found out.

I finally found my "designated" DMV local office about 8 miles away. I guess its worth $4.09 a gallon in a vehicle that gets around 15 mpg in town to keep that license. Plus I needed to get a new picture anyway. I have been renewing online with the last one I had taken at 30. Hard to want to give that one up. I looked so young and thinking that I had a whole life ahead of me.
I drove in and parked in the front row, a nice sign I thought. This is a slow day, this will be super easy to get done in 15 minutes or less. I got out and walked in the front door.

A big sign tells me to "Check in" for information before going anywhere else. Being a Borg, I follow the sign and get to a desk with a young lady that asks me what I am here for?

"License renewal", I flash the ready paperwork in hand to let her know that I am ready for my picture and where do I give them the $20.00 renewal fee?
I get handed a pulldown like at the meat counter ticket that is auto printed as she pulls it off.
I get A017. I figured with a A and a zero, had to be next in line. I see there are only about 10 people there waiting in chairs lined up in front of the DMV Money Takers desks.

That's when I start looking over the row of about 25 stalls of money handlers for the DMV. I spotted about 20 people behind them, figure that many state employees working, I'll be out in 10 minutes or my pizza is free?

That's when I noticed the average state employee doing his or her job. That seemed to entail doing your makeup for about 15 minutes and gabbing with your stall neighbor to talk about whatever you felt like. Then there was the sports cooler talk going with the male employees. Looked pretty serious, they did not want to be disturbed. They kept doing the look over type move where they look around you, but don't actually make eye contact with anyone. This is to let you know that they know you are there, but you are still not going to make them break up the talk over the latest ball scores from last night yet.

So in total, there are 25 stalls, for the state to take your money to give you the privilege to drive, and you have the privilege of forking over an Jackson for this right. Of these, only 3 are actually open. Yes, three. A whopping 3 out of 25 with 25 employees at them manned to take it, but decided its break time 30 minutes after opening today.

After 20 minutes of watching this great waste of our taxpayers money and thinking, who got hosed in this deal? The state? or me? I have to drive 5 miles farther now, and they make me wait longer with a larger staff. Hmmm, I think I got hosed here.

Finally my "ticket" got called and I was the lucky recipient on window number 24. I get to fork over my $20.00 and, do my eye test, and get my next stop in line, the photo shoot.

At the photo aisle is where the sports and car crowd are talking about the upcoming Nascar race here in Richmond. They are engrossed with how they will tailgate for 2 days and bragging about how much beer they plan they will engorge themselves on for the duration from what I hear. I am waiting, of course, as the only one in that line. I get the look over once and back to chatting they go. I guess I was expected to wait until they had the conversation come to an end. Finally, the old guy that is probably the ex-military guy from what I gathered comes up and says, Next? I pop up and look around and point to myself and say, Me?

Tada, I am ready for my headshot. He tells me to take my seat over here and look at the dot. I sit and look at the dot. He tells me its okay to smile or not, my choice. Gee, I am glad they let me have some decision about how I look. I give it the ol'CHEESE smile. I hear the click of the digital and he tells me to go over there and sit until its ready. Now I assume, since the guy works here, he knows this takes about 30-45 seconds for this to print out spit out on the machine.

Of course, he walks off at this point and decides its another rest period, he did a whole 1 minute of work, now to take the 2 minute break. So he walks off and I sit there across the table from the machine. About 45 seconds, ka-ching, out spits my license. Now I could reach over and grab it at this point since its just over a bar to get it. But I sit and wait.
And wait.
And wait.
After about 5 minutes I get a little annoyed. Its there, and I am sitting here, but my DMV master is gone with no sign of return. I am starting to get a little anxious at this point. I start to think how to take it and just walk out, they already have my money, I ain't stealing anything right?

Finally, a little pacific islander girl walks over to the machine. She looks at it and picks up my license. She looks out at me and motions over to me to come and get my license. I got up and leaned over to take it from her. She tells me, "You take very nice picture." I told her thanks, but it sure took along time to get.

Without a blink, she shoots back, "Sorry, I see that your old, I guess you have very little time left."

bada bing....