State Fairs? Why does anyone like these things?

Fall, a time of year to get in the swing and mood of the Va. State Fair. Why, you may ask, does anyone go to a state fair? It smells bad, its very cheesy, and the rides look like anyone could get whacked any minute. My kind of excitement!

I decided I would go this year and snap a few pictures of the attendee's at the fair and try to give a first hand sight and smell look of what the Va. State Fair is all about.

First the judging contests:

I figure these should make the list for the dumbest things that people will do to get judged on silly crap, or complete boredom, not sure which at this point.

Now of course, the VSF, is a wacky event like anything this state does. We have the usual pig races, horse jumping, dog races, and the most wacky judging contests you will ever see. I decide this was the silliest, The Duct Tape contest. Yes, make it with duct tape and you can win a Blue Ribbon of Stupidity from your's truly.

First place went to the Suit, yes a suit, made of duct tape. Suitable for your marriage, funeral, or whatever color your crayola is that day. Since it was reversible, another thing that all rednecks require when buying fine clothing, The Camouflage coloring was what won it for the fella. This jacket goes especially well when the hunting season is upon us.

And of course, only in VA, can you put a Pot on your son's head, sketch it and call your son a pothead and win as well:

Next we had The Table Setting Contest. Yep, set a table with a theme of some sort, and you get a ribbon for that one too. Amazingly, Curious George the Monkey won this year. Basically, get your 3 year olds toys and throw them on a table with the crap you buy at Party City and you win?

And what State Fair would be without the vegetable fat toasted fattening crap you eat? I have seen it all, anything that can be fried and skewered, that would be stuck with a stick for the less literate, is up for grabs and edible. Bananas, steak, chicken, and the show stopper this year, a freaking Oreo? Yep, screw the fact that a relatively harmless cookie, can now kill you with the 4000 calories of fried pig grease that its now cooked in.

Of course at a State Fair, you must have the energy to get around to look at all this, which is why they bring you CandyLand. Yep, you gotta have your sweets, which is why if you live in Virginia, you get this assortment of really bad Candy, like the ever popular Cigarette, don't you like the disguise of calling it candy? And there was this vegetable looking sweet, trying to get your kids to believe that candy that looks like this must be good to eat? Who wants squash candy, raise your hand!

Now to make sure that you buy the minimum amount of candy, they discourage your not buying the sugarless stuff by making you buy a pound of that crap.This, of course, is what I will be handing out to my Halloween fools that don't follow the rules mentioned in my last post. But I did find some handy teeth, I swear I saw people using them thinking that was replacement for the dentures they lost eating the squash crap.

Then the best part are the silly yet stupid carnie attractions that lame asses will pay to see that they have been taken for a few bucks. These were the best:

Then there is the infamous and always a crowd pleaser, the Demolition Derby. This where you finally get to take a load off your already sore feet from walking through all the silly and crazy judgings and get to see people take perfectly good junk yard material and turn it into even mo'better junk yard material. Scrap metal should be so lucky to get used in this way.

Of course I would be remiss if I didn't let you see what sat right next to me at this treasured and time honored redneck event. I give you Bertha 1 and Bernie 2, respectively. Bertha was deep into her funnel cake, that was one healthy eater. Of course, I think Bernie did shower last week, glad he did too, his BO helped keep the smell of burning tires down to a more healthy level.

After getting to walk through horse shit and smell the great cow crap that was around, I knew I had lived through another Virginia Day and having to throw my shoes in the trash when I got home.