To all Bloggers in the Network

Well, its the time of year that I give you the update of my family. Yep, its Christmas, and since my brother and his wife reminded me, its the time of year that I let you all know how much better my life, and family, is superior to yours.

Lets see, this year I was promoted to head of the business that I run. Which means that I made myself "Employee of the Year." Now that also means that I tell everyone to kiss my ass and that my shit is way better than yours. Obviously, that is a given, but I thought you all should be reminded of that. I have rewarded myself and family with the HD TV that I bought last month and the HD cable that goes along with it.

My wife was also named, "Hot Mommy, Greatest Housewife and Breadwinner No. 2" award. For all intensive purposes, that meant she kicked ass, brought home the bacon, and made me feel like a man more often than not. Read between the lines, she is a hot broad, and she makes this old fart very happy. Most guys look at her way too much, as I have noticed when I stay about 10' behind her in stores and check out how guys are looking at my wifes ass. Some would get upset, I get proud that she still can get the guys looking. Yep. ol' Dyckerson could only wish to smack this ass and call it his own.

My son, to be known forthwith as the "Genius", graduated from MIT this year with a P.H.D. in Bio-Molecular Science and will be heading the Federal lab and program that deals with WMD's in the Middle Eastern areas. After learning 12 languages and mastering the laws of Newton and Einstein, you would have thought that would have been enough, but no, he felt the need to join Al Gore and solve the Global Climate Change problem as well. That paper and the accompanying Nobel Peace prize is forthcoming next year. Please don't be pissed that he will be taking away your current mode of heating and cooling. He is replacing that, with large ice cubes for cooling, and whale blubber for heating. Yes, we are quite proud at what he has accomplished at the old age of 11. All of you will be bowing down to him and kissing his ass in the future, and paying the royalties for these inventions, making him the richest person in the world past Bill Gates and Warren Buffett.

Our two (2) astronaut feline animals, known on earth as cats, just got back from the space station last week. You all will see them in the news and call them as they are now known, Puke the Master, and Hurl the Grasper. These two fine genetically altered, by our son of course, felines have been awarded the PETA awards for safe and needed destruction of rodent and germ carrying vermin. After numerous experiments they designed, they discovered the way to eliminate vermin to help all mankind to prevail in the 21st century. Performing various studies for months, they have conceived and built the "better mouse trap". They eat the mouse after tenderizing them with mostly feline saliva that again, was genetically altered by our son. Which also means that all you makeup wearing broads should be happy that they will make it easier to test your shit on animals and not feel that you helped whack a bunch of monkeys or rabbits.

Now that you all have been made abreast of how Middlelife family is improving the life of the next generations, I would appreciate donations in the sum of about $10,000,000 to help fund the next generation of Middlelifers. This would be used to attempt to keep on trying to save all your worthless and probably not very worthy asses. But at least they could play the lottery and win the Powerball with the odds that you help finance them with. Our grandkids will need the financing as well to ensure they are able to buy all politicians to make these dreams come true.

Thank you and Merry Christmas.