Tax time is here and that means only one thing!

Yes gang, the tax man cometh, or more like taketh. Its that time of year that we get to scramble to make up all those little receipts to try and prove, if audited, that we spent money on crap that we think are tax deductible.

Being as I am a sole proprietor, I get to fear the taxman more than most. I have to wonder if they will decide to tell me someday that my mileage is a farce, that my office space allotment is bullshit, and that my use of my computer for non business use, was a scam on the IRS.

These are the things that I get to worry about every year. But I have no fear, because TurboTax is here. Yes, Turbotax, the little program that gives me the "nod" to try and cheat and let me know if the IRS is going to red flag my middlelifer ass. What a great tool. It calculates my taxes then runs me through the scenario of "what the bastards will take you down for" deal. This makes me very anxious because as honest as I am, this little part of that program is the only one that matters to me.

I was going to ask Wesley Snipes CPA to do my taxes this year. He saved Wesley over 11 million in taxes for several years. Now thats the CPA I want. Until the IRS decided that guy was full of shit and now Wesley has to go to court to prove that he did not owe taxes because he did not use TurboTax. Gee, for a lousy $39.95, totally deductible too by the way, Wesley would not have to spend the thousands that he will now spend in proving he was a dupe and dumbass for not using TurboTax.

I decided there needed to be more tax deductions for truly worthy expenses that the government has deemed not worthy.


My List is as follows:

Cat food - The little buggers have to eat and it all comes from China, should be free since they will probably die from it as well.

Mexican Restaurant dining - Since I help the immigrants, I think it should be a charitable contribution.


Baseball Tickets - Supporting the American pastimes deserves the ultimate prize, write off those box seats!


Trash disposal fees - I could leave it, but I don't. For being a nice neighbor, I should be rewarded.Blog writing time - Hourly charge that should be tax deductible. Great humor like this blog should not be free!

Female Breast Enlargements - Self explanatory. It makes all men happy.