Helping a Single Mother - Deadman Walking....

I, being such a nice guy in general, told a friend of my wife's, that if she needed any help around her house, that she could call me to lend a hand on the fix-it stuff. She is a single mom, 1 kid, and ex-hubby lives in a van down by the river.

Now, I have offered to help these poor women out, since they are all thumbs and usually get ripped a new one by the "contractor" buddy that comes out and tells them the $50 fix is going to be over $1000.00.

Well, this is where I never do this again. Why you may ask? I have been raped, pillaged, and plundered by this one "divorced" broad so bad, that I can understand why "hubby" hauled ass and has not been seen since.

It all starts out nice enough, she calls and has a problem with her windows. Windows I say? Whats wrong with them? She tells me that they are leaking and the door has a gap at the bottom and the drafts are terrrible and her electric bill is through the roof.

I mention to her about this neat little store called "Home Depot", they sell all that weatherstripping crap that blocks up the drafts. That does not faze her in asking me to get it and come over to fix her shit. I, being to damn nice, say "Fine, I'll stop by and see what I can do to button those things up for you."

So I drive over and look at the windows that she says are leaking badly. Freaking amazing, the non-blonde has the windows down on the top about 3 inches and is too stupid to push the window up. SO I close them! Amazing, leak be gone!

Next up for this ditz, the door. Leak she says on the door? No its the storm door and its rotting out of the frame and wants me to buy and replace it for her. I tell her get screwed on that one, I ain't buying you the $240.00 door and replace it, shut your front door and there is no leak fool.

Now most women might have taken the hint she is pissing me off with this stupid shit. Oh no, not this one. Next, "I need my water filters replaced too!" She CAN find Home Depot and buy those and has them waiting on the table for my ass to unscrew the damn things and put the new ones in for her faucet and shower. I asked her how she got them changed before? Doing what you are doing now, she says. This is when I get the feeling this biatch is just wasting my time and really looking to piss me off. I hurry and do it and then say Sayonara to her lazy ass.

A couple weeks go by and she calls me about a leak in her toilet. Yours truly grabs the phone book and gives her (3) phone numbers of paid plumbers to call and have them look at it.

Another week goes by and she calls complaining about how they want to take up the floor in her bathroom and the whole thing is going to cost $2000.00 to do all this work. CRY, CRY, CRY. It gets better, she calls her insurance company, files a claim, and those dumbasses actually cut her a check for $1400.00!

You think that would have taken care of this whining pain in the ass broad. OH NO>>>>>> she calls me wanting me to "look" it over before any contractor does anything. Since my son and her son are classmates, I told her I would come over to look it over and see what the problem really looks like.

F'n amazing, just a seal leak on the toilet and she has conned the insurance company to give all this cash for a $5 wax ring. I'm looking at her and saying, "What a deal, you scammed them good and get to spend the cost of a wax ring to fix this?" Lucky biatch, I wish I had thought of that one sooner!

Then she starts on me. I really want to get a new toilet put in. My mother is coming to stay for a few months and I need a higher seat for her old lame ass to sit on.

I'm stuck now, my son is playing with her kid, and I am there going, "Well, they have them all day at the HD, I guess we could go up there and pick one up since I have a truck to haul it in anyway.

SO, off we go to HD, find her a "higher toilet" and pull it off the shelf and put it my truck. Back to her house we go. I pull out the old toilet, start opening the new one when she says" That’s not high enough of a seat, you pulled the wrong one!" I measure it and tell her, "No, it’s the right one."

She begins to start whining about its not what she wanted, even though she stood right there and picked the damn thing out of the 25 they sell. So I tape it all up and back to HD I go, with her and the kids for trip No.2. We find one that sits a whole 1" higher. Whoopteefreakingdoo.

Heavier ass sucker too, off the shelf and into my truck again. Back to her house I go, get there, and unpack this monster crapper. That's when I measure it and the damn thing won't fit in the space for it, too damn big! I look at her at this point and start with the fact the other one is the "only" one that would have fit, like I had already told her. She gives me the sad face and goes, "I guess WE have to go back and get the one we just took back." NO SHIT SHERLOCK.

At this point now, I am steaming like hell. An hour drop by has turned into a 5 hour fucking HD running BS day for me. A whole day wasted on a dumb broad that thinks my ass is there for the plucking to be used like a servant boy.

We get back and I put the damn thing in and tell her to get her ass outta my way, I got things to do after this and this was not my idea of a Saturday relaxation plan.

She gives me the look of "do it and I really need you to hurry, I gotta use that thing soon."

Another 45 minutes, and tada, I am done and getting my son and my ass out the door.

On the way out the door, she has the nerve to ask me if I wanted anything for the trips to HD, the actual replacing and disposing of her old shitter and would I like a warm Root beer?

All I could think, PLEASE STAND BEHIND MY TRUCK as I back up and spin my tires over your worthless conartist ass.....never, ever again will I ever make that mistake.