Air Conditioning - You want it cool in your house? Part 1

It started on a Friday afternoon. "Its starting to feel warm in here," says Mrs Middle.

I look at the thermostat, its saying 78. That's not good.

I keep it on 75, and the heat pump has been running for hours the digital thermostat reports.

Time to bend over and have to call the HVAC Gestapo. Yes, they are the Gestapo in my world. Instead of physical torture, you get an idiot with a bottle of Freon torture instead and a pain in your ass from having less cash to cushion in your wallet.

I am sure all of you know what I am talking about and maybe had the experience of the HVAC repairman. Here's Johnny on the spot with an IQ of 98 to tell ya that your system is shot. Repair you ask? They don't repair these things anymore you foolish people, they only "Sell" new systems.

I make the first call to get someone to come and fill me with some Freon since I know its a leak in the system.

So I dial 1-800-ben-dovr, its ringing and within seconds, they answer.

Middle: "Hello, I have a problem with an air conditioner in my house."

Bendovr: "Sure you do, that's why you called when its almost 100 outside, everyone has a problem when its that hot. So whats your address?"

Middle: I give him the address, and ask, "So when can someone show up to repair it?"

Bendovr: "Well its not going to be today, you may get lucky and somehow we manage to get to you in the next few days."

Middle: "Wow, I can't go that long, I got a pregnant wife about to pop. I guess I could call someone else to ream me, you don't mind do you?"

Bendovr: "Heck no, your probably gonna get screwed by whoever comes over and we are raping plenty of folks right now. You go ahead and call someone else to come over and pound your backside."

At this point, I know I am hosed, they are laughing at me and telling me that I am at their mercy. And of course, I am. Wife is about to pop a baby out and that means A/C works or I go through more hormonal drama.

Day 2

After calling 23 companies and begging them to come and offering my next born as a downpayment, I got one to show up.

Bubba and Wally get out the truck with all the looks of a professional couple of HVAC guys. Bubba has his pants down to see his ass crack perfectly, and Wally needs a bath after the 3 day binge he is apparently trying get off.

They walk around to the back and of the house, get the gauges out and start taking apart my Heat pump. I walk out with a cup of coffee and try to talk to the boys, you know, that how you doing and please don't screw me too much on this type of talk. I immediately bring up the Nascar race coming to town since all these guys love that sport I'm sure.

Bubba and Wally start the fight over who is the better driver and all that when I had to butt in and ask, "So what are you seeing with gauges?"

Now of course, Wally, the Freon bottle boy, is going to tell me that its more than that, its unrepairable of course. I expect the worst, because the way things have gone this year, its got to be the worst.

Looks like I am going to get the good HVAC guy, bad HVAC guy, routine. This is when one tells you that its shot, the other says it could be repaired but its gonna cost about as much as the new unit. This of course is to make you decide that a new is better than the old one, since its going to cost as much to fix it.

What came out next was so shocking and crazy that I had to sit down and catch my breath.

I will reveal the shocking and horrific tale in Part 2: Air Conditioning , the silent killer....